Ok, so I have decided to write about my life, as people keep making assumptions about it.
I guess I should start at being born? Well I don't actually know much about it. I know my mum had a still birth following on from mine. It messed with her head. The baby had spina-bifida and only half of it's head was formed. It didn't stand a chance in life, so late in the pregnancy she had to abort and give birth. My father was in the forces. She had to go through this without her parents as they did not like my dad. Her own dad didn't give her away at her wedding. Mum was a catholic girl, dad was everything they did not want. I can't imagine the pain she went through.
She went on to have another 2 children with my dad. Apparently he was abusive to her. Apparently she was abusive to me. Apparently they both had affairs. I really don't know. It's other peoples versions. I have no memories of any of it.
Mum left shortly before my 5th birthday. So little sis was about3 nearly, and brother 18months. I remember vaguely, dad was pacing round the house, mum had not been home all night. Then she tore in like a tornado, there was shouting and screaming. Then she left again.
Scratch to my earliest memory...Dads on the sofa, I can't wake him. The police knock on the door (it later turns out dad had made me phone mum to tell her of his plans). They can't wake him either. Kitchen table has some brown pill bottles on it, a few scattered pills (or sweets I thought). Ooh sirens. We 3 kids are taken to the police station. Dad taken off in an ambulance. He had taken an overdose. We stayed with the nice lady until nan and grampy picked us up.
Again vague memories, my mind likes to block things out I guess. We lived with my grandparents until dad got us a house, across the street. Nan took us to school, while dad was at work. I remember rushing through the door to find my dummy under my pillow. We had family Christmases at my nan and grandads. All the kids playing by the tree. Indoor fireworks, I liked the worm ones the best. Lots of laughter and love. I also remember I had a record player. I got a shiny new record if I managed to not wet the bed. Usually I always chose a Wham! one. My little sister got a record too, la bamba, I broke it. She will never forget that. I also remember she had something wrong with her feet. Her and dad came home one day, she had bandages on both feet and a wheel chair.
We had also lived with mum at some point. I remember we had a room in a bed and breakfast, we had bunkbeds, and a little sink in the corner. We had the mini cereals for breakfast. Me and my sister had matching hand knitted jumpers, with hot air balloons on them. But that's all I can remember.
The dad met the She-Monster. And her 2 She-brats. Everything changed. The moved in. She took away my dummy (ok I was 7, but it was comfort I now realise). She put myself my sister and my brother back into nappies. She could not cope with the washing. Her kids were perfect of course. Thinking back she was abusing us and my dad let her. What else do you call a child having their faced pushed into soiled nappy, to teach them a lesson. Needless to say, it did not stop us...we were 7, 5 and 3. (Her kids were also 5 and 3). I remember I ended up having to have an alarm in my knickers, it made an awful noise as soon as it got wet. Dad also used to put me on the toilet late at night. If anything was broken or some one was naughty it was usually one of us 3. We quickly learnt the art of running away when we knew a smack was coming, and even once caught we arched our backs so we couldn't receive full whack, how it drove her nuts!....I also had sleepwalking issues...countless times I am reminded of the time I ran down the stairs to grab She-monsters boobs, or play with an ashtray, I even let myself out of the house once and walked off down the street screaming.
I also remember my mum coming to the door one day, attacking my step-mum. We were eating pizza at the time. And another time, my big cousin was babysitting, we were doing a jigsaw puzzle, in flies mum knocking off the chair and taking us from him. I don't really have much memory of her throughout this but those stick out.
Don't get me wrong, there were good times. I remember we had 'family' water fights, days out to the woods and things. But the bad outweighs the good by a long shot.
In the end she could not cope I guess. This is when the decision was made for my brother and sister to go and live with mum, and for me to stay with dad.
Dad and her got married. About a month after mum re-married. I remember wondering why I was not allowed to mums wedding. I had been to visit them shortly before the wedding, I saw my sisters peach dress hanging up. I wondered if I would get one too. Then dad picks me up, apparently I had phoned him to say mums partner had hit me.
Brother and sis were at dad's wedding. Apparently it was him who prevented me from being at mums. Guess what...we had 'lovely' peach bridesmaids dresses. Apparently I also ruined their wedding day. In the jest of a marriage family members had decorated the car with shaving foam and I smeared all the words, and they out stuff into the bed, and I added my own contribution, ruining their bed...whether or not that is true I don't know, but still, did I ruin the day? In actual fact it was the She-Monster herself...openly discussing the fact that she did not like my dads kids and would make sure she got rid of us.It caused a rift between my dad and his family, but the reason was not known until someone spoke up years after. Again, it's hearsay...
